An Interesting Turn of Events
by zaelithe
Summary: The infamous Hogwarts trio are on yet another adventure.if you could even call it that Will Ron cope with the loss of his dear Gertrude? How can we understand Hermione? Who is this skulky boy? WILL HARRY EVER GET TO FINISH HIS NAP? [oneshot]


Disclaimer: I dont own Harry Potter. Obviously.

Explanation: Ok. So this idea popped into my head while I was extremely hyper. Don't be hatin'

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It was a happy happy day at Hogwarts. Everyone was smiling in an almost-scary kind of way, but were too happy to notice the sheer horror of it all.

It was after lunch, and Harry, Ron, and Hermione had had a delightful meal of deliciousness and of course, butterbeer. Oh how they loved butterbeer. It was all the fun of butter, and beer, all in one! And with no chance of them drinking underage! Everyone wins!

Harry was feeling particulary sleepy at this moment, because he had stuffed his face a considerable amount more than his companions.

"I think I'd fancy a nap!" Harry said with a grin; he looked quite drunk. But don't be mistaken! For it was not the butterbeer, because remember? It has no alchohol! Just making sure you were aware. The fact was, all of his smiles made him look kinda drunk, because he has super!awesome powers.

"Oklie Doklie Harry! We'll come with you!" Ron said in his abnormally high-pitched, girlish voice, as he clapped his hands together in a strange show of glee.(It really was scary that his voic was higher than Hermione's.)

Hermione said nothing, for Voldemort had come while they weren't looking and had duct-taped her mouth shut.

They all skipped merrily down the halls, in the direction of the Griffyndor Common Room. Why were they skipping? Why, because today was an especially merry day, of course! Don't question the happy! So, as they were skipping along, Wizard of Oz style, they didn't notice that someone was skulking along behind them. Oh how he skulked. The sheer skulkiness of his skulk seemed to darken the hall wherever his skulky self skulked...Skulk.

Just as the gleeful trio reached the Fat Lady Portrait, they saw that she was doing a lovely rendition 'Fergalicious', while shaking her bootay to a beat that seemed to come out of nowhere.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione cheered the Fat Lady on as she sang and danced in an eerily similar way to that of Stacy Fergouson.(Well, mostly Harry and Ron cheered. Hermione made funny muffled sounds as she waved her arms around. The enthusiasm was certainly there.)

"Go fat lady! Go fat lady! Woo! Shake it!" Harry cheered

"Mmfffmfmm!! Wmmmhm! WOO!" Hermione continued to wave her arms.

"WOO! TAKE IT OFF!" The room went silent, even the background music, as everyone turned to stare at Ron. He just stood there with a goofy look on his face, completely unaware of his idiocy.

The portrait swung open quickly, the Fat Lady had a look of disproval on her face as she watched the three Griffyndor walk through. She was too lazy and too awestruck at the freckled boy's idiocy to even ask for the password. She didn't even notice as a certain boy skulked into the Common Room. Oh ho ho! And the plot becomes less soupy, yet still not thickening!!

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In the Common Room, Ron had plopped himself down on the floor, and out of his pocket, he pulled a huge wad of a mix of pocket lint, and dust. He looked at the wad affectionately and stroked it. Since he lad lost his pet rat, due to it being a stinky old geaser with nasty teeth, he had found this little scamp and decided to keep it as his own.

"Good Gertrude! Stay...Stay! Yussss! Who's a good boooy? You are! Yes you are!" He had set the lint ball down on the floor and was now talking to it in a baby voice. Yes. It's name is Gertrude and it is apparently male. Don't question me, Ron named the thing.

Hermione, duct-tape still in place, was sitting on a fluffy arm-chair, reading a huge book. From beneath the book came a low growl and out came...Dunduh duh nah!!! Crookshanks! He had been sitting on Hermione's lap before she had decided to read, and had just escaped from beneath it. He looked somewhat like a scraggly, drowned rat, with a smooshed face. And upon seeing Gertrude, sitting helplessly on the floor, the demon-spawn of a cat leapt down and snatched the lintball up in his teeth; scuttling off somewhere to hide under a conviently placed armoir.

Ron was slow to react to the sudden loss of his linty friend, and looked about frantically.

"Gertrude?...Gertrude?!_ GERTRUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!!!!" _As he yelled the last word, he fell to his knees and thrust a bitter fist to the heavens! (In dramatic effect, of course) He then slumped and began sobbing in a pathetic manner. Hermione left her monster of a book and stood next to Ron, patting his back consolingly.

"Mffhmfmmmfm. Yhmmgmfmhhm.." Hermione continued to pat.

"It's just...-sniffle- ...he was so young!" His voice was broken from sobbing.

"Hmmfmhhmm Nhjkmhhmm. Nahmmmshm."

" -sniff-...Thanks Hermione, I needed that." It appears that Hermione's wonderful use of words have saved the day once again!

_Meanwhile!_

Harry had gone up to his room and was curled up on his bed like an innocent kitten, snoozing away. Bless his heart! But, what he didn't know as he was napping, that there was a skulky presence in his room! OH NOES!

Slowly, the skulky boy peeked his head above Harry's mattress.Oh ho ho! The scandal!

And wouldn't you know it! Harry's keen perception, despite the fact that he was asleep, didn't fail him and he awoke!

"AHHHHHHH!!!" yelled skulky boy!

"AHHHHHHH!!" yelled Harry!

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

"AHHHHHHHH!!"

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_In the Common Room._

Ron and Hermione are playing Go Fish.

"You hear something?"

"Nmn."

"Didn't think so."

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"AHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHH!!!"

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

"AHHHHHHH!!"

And this proceeded for the next five minutes until skulky boy slapped Harry across the face to silence him.

"Thanks, I was beginning to lose my voice!" Harry gave one of his famous drunken, overly-happy-for-this-kind-of-situation grins!

"No problem!" skulky boy also gave an overly-happy-for-this-situation grins! I bet you're wondering who this 'skulky boy' is.

"Why are you in my room in the first place, Draco? You're my mortal enemy!" Oh ho ho! There's your answer!

"No, Harry! I...am your FATHER!"

"NOOOOO!!!"

"Hah, just kidding. I'm actually, YOUR LOVER!" Draco's voice was strangely enthusiastic.

"What? How can that be?"

"The writer said it'd be an interesting plot twist."

"But this story has little to no plot."

"What the writer says, goes." Draco shrugged.

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Harry and Draco spent the next half hour talking, giggling, and making out, like all couples do. Oh goody!

"I love you, Harry! We should get married!"

"But we can't! It's illegal!"

"Not in Massachusetts!" Draco exclaimed.

Harry was so overcome with glee, that his expression was too hard for the writer to describe. So just use your imagination.

So the couple boarded the next flight to Massachusetts. When they got there, they got a cheap priest that they had to pay for using their prostitution money,(because when they had gotten there, they only had wizard monies) and got married. They then returned to Wizard Land and, using all that money from Harry's vault, and Draco's filthy-rich-daddy's money, to get some people to somehow magically make it so that Draco was pregnant with Harry's babies. Oh JOY! Draco gave birth to healthy triplets(don't ask how in the heck that happened.) at the age of 17, and became DaddyMommy, working at home, while Daddy Harry went off to work at a local whore house.

They lived happily ever after.

And what happened to Crookshanks and Gertrude? They had nasty drowned-rat, smoosh-faced babies together.

And Hermione and Ron had babies too! Just so they could fit in!

_**BABIES EVERYWHERE!!!**_

The End.


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